Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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