Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
