pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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