she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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