and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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