I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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