I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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