it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
