90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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