someone threw a dead crab at me
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
