Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
