Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize