it was like having sex with a tree stump
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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