i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
