I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
