Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
