is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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