During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
