Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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