Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
