My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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