Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
