Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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