She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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