i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you inspire me to be a worse person
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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