im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
