You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
