legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
