I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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