Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
no, he came in my armpit
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
