I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
