there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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