I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize