Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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