I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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