I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Less talking, more tequila
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
