Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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