Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
