he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
