You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
