we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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