just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
