"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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