My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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