you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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