listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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