All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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