Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
