eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize