Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just high enough for therapy.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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