dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
