capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she looked like the before picture.
zippers are such a cool invention
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
