Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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