i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
