thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
