You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize