I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
