do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
