so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
