I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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