Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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