He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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