So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
