ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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