i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
