In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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