I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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