Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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