I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
