he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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