He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize