You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
