there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
