I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
