Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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