i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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