i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
