It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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