Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize