dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
