I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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