how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
