I puked a lego.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
