a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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