I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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