you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
