Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
