you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
