you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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