i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
