Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Drunk is not a location!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
