so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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