she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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