She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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