i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
