I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
