I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
