If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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