We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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