I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
