I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
