I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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