Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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