If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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