is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
