i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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