Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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