I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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