You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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