i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
