She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Barsexuality is the new black.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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