She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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